If you want to control your reactions...
You must catch this one false belief...
He/She is trying to control me!
The thought “My mother is trying to control me” would lead to surges of rage within me!
I don't like being controlled. Especially not by my Mother.
The irony is that control freaks have a real problem with feeling controlled.
Humans crave freedom to be and do as we wish.
When freedom is seemingly taken away… we revolt!
or we resign now and explode later. :)
IF YOU WANT TO STAY PEACEFUL…
You have to let go of the story that someone is trying to control you.
I can hear you now… “but he/she IS controlling!”
Hear me out…
The truth is, if we are talking about someone who loves you (like your parent or partner)
Their intention is likely not to control you... but to protect you
from something they fear happening to you.
In other words… they are “controlling” you because they care about you.
When my mother dictates how I should do something,
She is showing me a “better” way. It’s her way of loving me.
The intention is not to control but rather to help me do things better.
From her perspective… she has figured out the best way to do things.
She only says something because she cares.
When we shift our perspective to theirs…
When you keep your attention on their intention…
and acknowledge that the true intention is to love…
Or to protect (from whatever they fear… loosing you)
Then you can proceed with love instead of anger.
You can declare your needs.. to be allowed the freedom of choice…
From a loving kind place instead of an uproar of emotional spewing.
You can say “thank you for loving me so much.
I hear you and I appreciate your guidance.
Please trust that I am capable of making a good decision.
Please allow me to choose what makes me happy.”
Can you see how that would de-escalate the issue instead of fuel the battle of the egos?
Shift to appreciation of their love and you won’t feel controlled.
And you’ll respond with love.
And better yet… over time they will too.
If you need more help with staying patient… my latest program is a must!
I have been living with my Mother for 3 months now and we rarely fight. I would not have lasted for 3 days let alone 3 months without major blowouts daily. The clicker is what saved me… us. I decided how I wanted to show up… with patience and kindness no matter what she threw at me. After a few days of my clicker technique I was in complete control.
Sure I still feel some rage rise within sometimes but I am able to witness the emotions and the inner dialogue and shift them before they grow into an explosion. I stay peaceful and kind with my mother now. It feels amazing… For both of us!
Check out The Clicker Club for more info.